Well its been awhile since I last wrote, but not much has been happening. We have had a long break between chemo treatments this time, with the holidays and Caitlin's counts didn't recover as fast this time. Hopefully if they have a room open and the weather is good, we will be making the trip tomorrow. Don't get me wrong I am not excited about going for Caitlin's chemo, but I keeping telling myself the sooner we go, the sooner we will be done with all of this. Sorry to all my family and friends, for how moody I have been lately. The depression and anger from Caitlin's cancer has finally kicked in. With my personality I like to be in control of certain things, and this difficult time has just thrown me for a loop. So it I snap at you, please realize that it really isn't for you. I am just frustrated with the our situation. I hope soon my fog will lift and I can get back to working through. I think I am stressed about Caitlin's radiation treatment that is going to start soon, I am hoping that we can talk the doctors into letting Caitlin do her treatments at the new Cancer Center here in Logan, if not I will have to be away from my family for a week at a time for a whole month. That would be really hard on our family right now, but we will do what we have to do.
Anyway Valentine's Day was fun! Jake got me a pretty heart necklace. I got him cologne, and the week before we both got us some new shirts, which we really needed. We decided just to stay home and watch movies, we did get Wok on Wheels takeout for dinner. We knew that since it was Saturday and Valentine's day everywhere would be packed and we didn't have a babysitter. We hope to go out another weekend! On Sunday we went to Grandma Hugie's for dinner, which was very good, she is the best cook I know. Other than that, we have just been hanging out at home, Allie has been watching High school musical 3 non stop since it came out on Tuesday. I have been reading and trying to keep my house clean. Hopefully the next update will be more interesting. Caitlin seems to be doing pretty good, she has been more moody lately, but we think that might be the terrible twos kicking in, or she is cutting more teeth.
Jacee Chalise
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3 comments:
Hey Erin, funny you mention the "having no control". I have always had issues with that myself. I ALWAYS wanted to know what the plan was, who, when, where and how.... and the past couple of years has been quite a learning tool for me. I have learned a heck of a lot more patience! and you truely have to take it - goll, not even a day at a time, sometimes it's an hour at a time! Things will calm down, your lives will get back to normal and this will be merely a chapter in your lives! Be sure to take care of yourself! You need to give yourself more credit, it is soo frustrating, but I promise - your "fog" will lift. God would will never give you more than what you can handle. Please let me know if there is anything I can help with!
I so much appreciate Katie's advice. She been there, still is there, and knows exactly what you are going through. I admire her so much.
Erin, I know how hard this has been for me, but I can't even fathom how hard this is for you. All that you have to deal with. There is a lot of anger and wanting to know why. But one thing I've learned through a lot of prayer, temple, and scripture study is that you need to take your burdens to your Heavenly Father. He is so there for you. He would not have given you guys this trial if He didn't think you couldn't handle it. He has not left you alone. There have been so many blessings!! We must learn not to question "why" but to ask, "What is it you want me to do?" YOu have done an amazing job in taking care of this situation. I am so proud of you! You are strong and you will get through this. And it's okay to get mad, cry, scream, or whatever. It's part of the process. You deserve times like that, and then you move on and do what you have to do. We love you and we are proud to have you as our daugther. Please let me help you any time. You just have to ask.
My name is Bergan and I came here from Reeniewelch. I just want to tell you that I am so sorry for what you are going through with your little girl and I can't even begin to comprehend how hard this must be. Your little girls are amazing daughters of our Heavenly Father and so are you. Your Family is in our thoughts and prayers.
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